why is taste such a hard beast to tackle?   why do gustatory urges rule the majority of us?  as a human i’m given the ability to reason and to make moral decisions, yet i defy both in the choices of what i consume.  how can the primitive desire for a fleeting sensation on my tongue trump my fancy pants modern human brain?  gosh darn you, nature!  i will conquer you if it’s the last thing i do!

but here’s the biggest question: why have i taken an interest in the only industry where vegetarianism is problematic (well, that and the leather industry, or the handbag industry, or the black market ivory trade…)?  of all things, why did i have to pursue food?  when i started my apprenticeship i gave up my ideals for the sake of learning, an idea within the confines of my ethical framework as i don’t actually see eating meat as evil, rather as needless, wasteful, harmful, and inconsiderate in this day and age.  i was compromising, but only on what i feel is a “better” lifestyle and not what i feel is the only “right” lifestyle.  but for now i won’t be joining the culinary world-i just need to make some dough to save up for school next year (regular college, not culinary school), so do i have an excuse anymore?  no.  none at all, except my incredibly obnoxious taste buds.

all i feel towards myself concerning this issue is a hint of disappointment, but i also feel as if i didn’t have a choice if i wanted to gain the experience that i have.  well, enough experience has been had for now-i’m only going once a week these days- and when i go back tomorrow i’ll abstain, no matter how uncomfortable.

ahhhhhhhrrrggggg!!!!  frustratttionnnnnnnuhnuh

other thoughts:

1. i really really can’t stand how when i press the backspace button and am not in a forum in which i can type it sends me to the previous page.  doesn’t anyone know how to turn that feature off?  if i want to go back i’ll hit the back button, thank you.

2. there is so much sorrow in the world and it can be overwhelming

3.  i am about to trim my nails with a clipper, as opposed to with my teeth, for the first time in probably 15 years, and am very proud of myself.  does this mean i have 15 years worth of nails in my appendix?

4. i never claimed that i’d refrain from being gross in this blog

5. for the time being, i’m one of the fortunate ones

ok, i hope that all you other fortunate ones, you blessed people with food on your plates and a roof over your heads and access to computers have a super fantastic day.  🙂

3 Responses to “bah!”

  1. Robin Says:

    Try to think of the “limitations” of vegetarianism as a new source for creativity. I eat and cook a much great variety of foods than most people who eat meat and lots of cheesy-eggy things. Like in art school when they tell you you can only use 2 materials for your sculpture and they have to be found objects (or something). It’s an opportunity to explore new flavor combinations.

    At any rate, i’ve long since lost my taste for meat. The couple of times I’ve inadvertantly eaten it, it hasn’t been good. And think of your health! For more on that, you should read “The China Study”.

  2. Jonathan Roush Says:

    great post. seriously.

  3. ronit kory Says:

    robin, it’s not that i feel limited so much as i feel marginalized. it’s not about me, it’s about the environments in which it’s possible to learn the trade. how can i learn without experiencing, and who will hire me without that experience? i suppose i could just cook everything and not eat it, but how would i learn about flavor? one day, if i do embark on this path, i may have a place that gives me liberty to make what i want, but it’s the value of the journey to that day that worries me, given this limitation.

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